Hey Everyone,

Since its the Holidays again (where did the year go?) we wrangled the devils here at Pandemonium and had them think up fun gift-giving ideas. Then we made Mel read them. There were a few incidents, and we lost all the footage,in a fire*, but since we thought they were helpful ad-reads, here's the transcript of the audio that we did recover.

 

 

Pandemonium Ad-Read 2025

 

Mel the Demon:

"First up Folks, we have Squishable Cryptids. They're stuffed animals, but instead of bears and bunnies, they're mothmans and cthulhus. They're cute I guess, and soft, and I don't want them near me. Gross.

 

 

Mel the Demon:

If that's too wholesome for you, check out A Wild Venture, which is a two player game about... helping your neighbors? Guys, this is gross. I don't care if its got fun engine building mechanics! You know I'm allergic to whimsy! 

 

 

Mel the Demon:

Next we've got Station Eternity by Mur Lafferty, which is one of those mystery books, but set in space. You know what I hate about these amateur detective types? They're always running into murders to solve! Its too convenient and tidy and... ohhhhh, the protagonist is running away from Earth because everyone else is getting suspicious of her always having a murder to solve. Yeah, okay, I can rock with that.

 

 

Mel the Demon:

That wasn't so bad. Okay what's on deck?

 

Huh, alright. A liquid core d20. I don't get it, but I guess if you're a goblin, or if you know a goblin, or if you need to distract a goblin while you're stealing its eggs, this is probably pretty handy. And, its got numbers on it, so you can tell time with it or something.

 

Mel the Demon:

I'm being told you can't tell time with these things, and also that you shouldn't feed them to goblins. What a bunch of killjoys.

 

Mel the Demon:

Since its the holiday season, its a great time to remember that Terry Pratchett's Discworld series is full of books, and surely even if your favorite bookworm knows about Pratchett, they certainly won't have ALL of them. This is actually really fun for me, because there are so many titles, it's kinda like one of those micro-tortures, figuring out which book your worm hasn't read. Sweet. I endorse this one too!

 

Jiff the Director:

Please read the cue cards! They wont know how clever the books are if you don't tell them!

 

Mel the Demon: 

Fine! Its for clever worms who are delighted by wordplay and worldbuilding. There! Now they know!

 

Mel the Demon:

Zombies. Uh, there's 30 of them. Um. There's nothing else on the card.

 

Mel the Demon:

Um.

 

Mel the Demon:

Next?

Mel the Demon:

Next on the block is Nobi Nobi, a super stylized RPG that teaches the basics of roleplaying, by breaking the essentials down into cards and dice. The game comes in several different genres, and each copy contains everything you need for infinite adventures. 

 

Mel the Demon:

If the card thing tripped your trigger, consider Overpower, the reanimated corpse of a game that's back after 20 years. Combining superheroes, CCGs, and poker, this is a game.

 

Cattle Prod:

ZZZZZZZAP!!!

 

Mel the Demon:

A GAME YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH!!

 

Jiff the Director:

Love that energy, baby. Keep it coming.

 

Mel the Demon:

Above and Below is a game that combines worker-placement, resource management, and roleplaying as you manage a village who is preparing to fight the barbarians who razed your last settlement. Balance exploring caves for treasure and adventure, and building your village stronger than ever!

 

Mel the Demon:

Are we done yet? This is tort...

 

Mel the Demon:

Oh, I get it.

 

Jiff the Director:

Hey Mikey, he gets it.

 

Boom Operator, Michael Amsterdamsonham:

What?

 

Mel the Demon:

Lastly, we have this book, Da Red Gobbo Collection, which is a series of novellas covering the mischevious exploits of a goblin who is red. Taking place in the Warhammer 40,000 universe, and told by authors of all calibers, this collection will be sure to keep your war-doll enthusiast quiet, or at least chuckling to themselves.

 

Mel the Demon:

Hey, does anyone else smell fire?

 

 

END OF AUDIO

 

Well Everyone, that's the gas that was in the tank. Hopefully you read this before its too late, and it does the thing we said it might, while you need it done, doing. Makes sense, right? No? Too bad.

 

Now with that out of the way, here's a very quick note, also from the devils: 

 

"Thanks for spending your year with us. Its been so special, sharing it all with you. Happy Holidays Everybody!"

 

 

*For the concerned few of you who've read this far, we'd like to put you at ease. Devils beat fire, and so no devils were harmed in the making of this blog post. However horseshoes beats devils, and then fire beats horseshoes, so remember that the next time someone challenges you to "Devils, Fire, Horseshoes."